permission to wallow

saturday was pretty bleak. the skies of scotland, loomed leaden, as is their wont this time of year. the mists curled up and over the land in the timeless flirtation of air and earth.yesterday, even the rhythm of the intermittent rain, beating on the double glazing sounded cheerless.

herself would have arrived yesterday, her plane would have landed at glasgow at 7.30 in the morning! i would have needed to be up and about really early, glasgow is about a two hour drive from our haunting hills. my girl would have run into my arms and the sun would have started shining, for me, at least.

"breaking up is hard to do", despite my determination to move forward, the magnet of memory, draws my thoughts to the past. memories of our laughter, the feel of herself in my arms, the unsurpassed joy of breathing in the scent of the woman i love.

so...yesterday i gave myself permission to wallow in my grey world, i allowed my sadness to seep through my whole, unhindered. i cried for a future lost.

today, i awake alone. the sky still drips and drizzles, grey clouds still hang low.today however, my reality is different, today i see the robin.

the farmhouse is surrounded by an old, old stone wall. the wall in places, is moss covered. over time stones have moved and fallen leaving crevices and gaps. the robins love this wall, they hippitty hop...on, over and through. they find tasty morsels on the moss covered stones and they use the empty spaces to shelter from the rain.

i guess every life will have empty places, spaces left by those you love as they move on. it took a robin to remind me, that every echoing space has a purpose, that in time, the pain will ease and the memories of love will provide comfort.