whoops...well i guess we can forget cohabitation

of late, herself has often informed me that she would not be able to live in scotland too wet, too grey, too expensive. plus uk vitamins (very important detail) are weak and wishy washy in comparison to usa brands.
herself has two cats who are very dear to her heart, no way would she be able to leave them behind, she could not fly them over either as (so i'm told) many pets die in the holds of aircraft whilst in transit.
herself has two adult daughters, wonderful, intelligent women. both enjoy interesting and challenging careers, both are in loving and settled relationships.herself feels she would feel lost without their occasional company.
herself has many wonderful friends with whom she spends many hours, chatting on the phone. she has a great attachment to these ladies and feels emotionally dependent on them ... they live in the usa.
i am about to move into a two bedroomed mobile home on my kid's farm in south ayrshire. herself assures me that no way would she be able to exist in such a confined space with myself! forget the 33 acres of rolling ayrshire fields, forget one of the worlds most beautiful views, forget the fact that in place of rent all i have to do is an occasional bit of house sitting.

well ... by now my reader has probably come to the conclusion..."what a yogurt top! why on earth would eryll the exemplary idiot still be hanging around with hope in her heart..."
precisely!... but love is a strange and powerful emotion and hope springs eternal. uhuh...

i might mention that had i been possessed of even an ounce of common sense ... i would have ridden off into the sunset about eighteen months ago. yeah that is probably a fair time line. at the time i was living in the market town of bicester near oxford (well near enough!). i had decided to buy my lady a ring, i would ask her to marry me the next time i paid herself a visit.i had a most wonderful time, haunting the cobbled streets of oxford, searching for the perfect ring (well, within my ability to pay of course..). now being a born and bred south african, i know my diamonds, i am picky... small and perfect is better than big and flawed. well, that's my story and i'm sticking to it!
eventually i found the ring, her ring, the ring i would give her to seal our commitment. the ring which would prove to her that i was a woman with serious intentions, unafraid of commitment and ready to cohabit.

now herself is very attached to the ocean, the breaking waves, the shifting sands, the gentle sea breeze. where else should i take herself to pop such a life changing question...
a romantic stroll along the shore, the breeze in our hair, the seagulls gliding overhead whilst the sun lit a golden fire on the ocean...
well that was the romantic, poetic setting i envisaged...
the actual day turned out grey with howling winds and spitting rain...
yeah, yeah... i know, but that damn ring was burning a hole in my pocket and i was eager, nay ... desperate to ask the question and rejoice at her answer.

so we stood together on jones beach and i asked...
and herself answered .... "NO! No way! i don't believe in marriage. i'm sorry but no..."

was i mortified...oh yeah! was i angry...oh yeah! to this day i will never understand why i did not pack my bags and take the next flight home.
the undeniable fact is...i did not, eryll the aristo, eryll the arrogant...stayed in new york. herself , the therapist explained to me that her refusal did not mean she did not love me, it did not mean that we would not be together...eventually...one day...

for the next year our relationship was a little rocky. i was hurt and angry ... fact is i was gob smacked! i tried to leave herself, time after time. i just could not stay away, i would have to beg forgiveness and worm my way back into her affections. it was a difficult time, she must have hated me as i fought to balance my love for her with my deep need for a relationship which involved ...being together, for some what more than a month or so of every year....

eventually i came to realize that i was destroying our love and that if i wanted to remain with herself...
well...i would have to shape up or ship out! so, roughly six months ago i released my anger and removed my mask. let the woman see the real me, let her discover how deep our love really was. sooner or later, herself would have an ahah moment and find that she could no longer live without me at her side.she would learn to love scotland, the rain, the grey, the howling gales. she would remember that really strong vitamins could be purchased over the internet. she would appreciate the fact that i had sky installed so that herself could keep up to date with american news, she would be amazed that i had sky talk plus as my call provider, allowing FREE phone calls to the states, herself could chat to her dear friends as if she was next door!

hope is a cruel mistress...