cohabitation

cohabitation

tonight i am lonely and mad as a snake, i am very thankful for ice, for jack daniels and for nicotine. how all those clean living folks manage without these necessities of life is beyond me...

before i even start, let me state unequivocally... i am not perfect! bloody hell, what an admission to have to make. i am arrogant and hellbent on having my own way.
i enjoyed a wonderful relationship with my man and our marriage lasted 36 wonderful years. we shared so much and loved so deeply that i only realized my fascination with women two years after his death.

so...naturally i am looking for more of the same. love and marriage/civil partnership(civil partnership has a kind of unromantic ring don't you think? but if that is the best THEY can do for us, who am i to complain!), fun, mutual support, respect and companionship, romance and happily ever after. and yeah, let's not forget sex, think i might be prepared to skip on the three kids this time around...

i believe in love, i believe in togetherness, i believe in fidelity... i believe it is natural to live in the same house and share the same bed...
i believe that people who love whole heartedly and pledge fidelity to one another should at least live in the same effin' country.....

now you all, might be wondering ... or not, as the case may be...
"what the devil is the girl on about?"
well...tonight on our trans atlantic call(at my daughter's house because my damn phone is yet to be reconnected...despite the promises of various bt employees...sigh), herself said some stuff...which really pissed me off....
and i became huffy, really huffy and said nasty stuff..
and then i came home to emails from herself which pissed me off even more (which one would have hardly believed possible)...
i mean ... really...and i quote herself...

"YOU SAY NOT TO LISTEN TO YOU WHEN YOU ARE ANGRY BECAUSE YOU BECOME CRUEL-you are

i love you eryll-i am sorry this is such a hard time for you

please don't be resentful of my knowing what is ok for me

if i were to be with you

i would be
depressed
resentful
sullen
you would simply have to pack me up and send me home-i do know what is ok for me right now"
(i have edited this email)

yeah well, if you wanna date a therapist!
and now, well now, i am imbibing JD and writing, how else is one expected to cope with a long distance relationship?


oh yeah, so where was i ...
crazy in love with a stranger ...who thought i was crazy...