when we gain through pain

pain wise, i was born lucky. my body seems able to deal with fairly large doses without causing me too much agony.

then there is toothache, damn, i don't deal well with toothache... turns me into a sniveling sissy, begging for drugs and the immediate attentions of a dentist.

itching...hmmm...don't do very well with itching either. i mean...well hell...you just can't stop it. can you?

so pain wise i have pretty well breezed through life. regular dental check ups are a must. and a dedicated avoidance of mosquitoes, spiders, bed bugs and other nasty, itch causing insects... definitely desirable.

and then...
two weeks ago...
the ice...
the slip...
the damaged knees...

hah! a lesson in humility.

my body has always served me well. it is a quick healing, self recovery specialist. so, i hurt myself, so, i heal... even operations...with surgical instruments. the pain potential is limited, two days of pain killers, i'm up and at 'em again.

not this time...no siree!
this time i did myself proud...two weeks after the event and we still have... knee lock...oh yeah.
i have learned to walk with a delicacy not previously explored. stairs?...uhuh...with care. do not trip, do not turn too fast, avoid small children and furry animals. forget bending...hell, who needs to bend anyway. slow is good, slow is safe...

i remember my impatience when i took my dad shopping. not that i said anything, probably didn't need to, dad could probably sense the negative energy of my angst and irritation a mile away. forgive my arrogance, forgive my lack of understanding, my total absense of empathy. dad was in his late eighties, early nineties...he was stiff and he was in pain.he was a brit, a gentleman of the old school...he taught us kids the pride of a stoic, the value of a stiff upper lip. he moved slowly because he was in pain, he never complained.
i used to wish that my dad would just let me do his shopping for him ... it would have been quicker! the only thing i did do right was fume with frustration and yet hold my tongue.
everyone has a right to their pride, their independence. so maybe when folk grow older...they slow down a little. so effin' what!
we just have to learn... where lies the true value of time?
if we have time to listen to the chatter of children and the experiences of the elderly...
if we have time to amble through the shops at a pace which suits our companion...
if we have time to hold a hand, touch an arm, rub a back, massage aching feet...

if we have time to give and accept these love gifts...

does it matter if dinner is a little late...
the ironing is not finished...
the grass unmowed...

these chores will always be there, always need doing. when we realize the value of our time, we will spend it...with wisdom, with those we love, with those who need us.

i still have dishes to wash and time aplenty to accomplish this and many other small tasks.
what would i give for an hour with my dad, an hour to take him shopping...at his pace. an hour to listen to his voice and his thoughts. an hour to hold his hand and feel his strength.

i am grateful for the pain in my knees, every twinge, the slowness of my gait...
reminds me of the value of my time and where i should choose to spend it.